Albert Pujols Hit A Home Run And We All Got Dumber

Sometimes something innocent comes along and sparks a nationwide discussion that just proves just how dumb we can be as a nation. And also how little problems we really have because we can put so much attention to this nonsense.


Well, anyways, Thursday night Albert Pujols hit a home run. He’s done that a lot. So much so, the home run was his 2,000th career RBI. A fantastic milestone hit by only two other players ever.

And that’s where the fun begins. According to this story by the Detroit News’ Tony Paul, the man who tracked down the milestone home run was a 33-year old law student named Ely Hydes. Other than spelling his name weird, this is where I start to not like this guy. 

As could be expected, the Tigers tracked him down and started negotiating. According to Paul’s story his friends said the negotiations weren’t impressive.

According to Hydes’ friends, the first offer was a Pujols autographed baseball; the second an autographed ball and a meet-and-greet with Pujols; the third a Pujols autographed ball, a meet-and-greet and a Pujols jersey; and the fourth all that, plus some Miguel Cabrera memorabilia.

Hydes stood firm, said he wanted the ball for his soon-to-be born son or his big time Cardinals fan brother. The team came back and said they could not authenticate the ball so it would be worthless if he tried to sell it later. He said he didn’t want money.

Good for him. He didn’t want the payoff, he wanted the heirloom but then the story didn’t end there.

He started getting interviewed by local radio and other news media. He started diving deeper in to his side of things. He went on to say he still has the ball because the Tigers staff was disrespectful and treated like a garbage bag for catching a baseball. 

He has since apparently changed his mind and will give the ball to Pujols or to Cooperstown but it doesn‘t wipe away his decision to overreact and get emotional over a situation like this. 

The Tigers probably always get the fan to agree. They keep upping the offer until the fan gives over the ball. The story is the best part of it all anyway. The times they don’t get the fan to agree, odds are that fan is planning to sell it later for more money. That makes sense. So it makes sense for them to get pissy and tell him it’s not going to work like that. They probably were stern. They probably were rude. But Hydes was also being difficult.

His reaction, his being “treated like a garbage bag” is worthy if they confiscated the ball without any trade. If they kicked him out. Of they assaulted him. They got pissed he wouldn’t give it back. That’s it.Remember that doctor that was screaming as he was dragged off a plane like two years ago? This guy is him, just with a little more dignity.

This has sparked debate online and in comment sections on how ridiculous the Tigers look. They are bullies, they say. Then others are calling this guy a soft loser. Either way, we are all dumber for caring so much. And I’m even worse for writing a post about it.

But as I said, he seems to be changing his mind. I’m sure the deal is gone so it’s just a kind gesture now. The internet shamed him. Even if you are within your rights, just don’t be a douche. The internet doesn’t like douches.

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